In my last post I failed to place content into context. Why am I writing blogs pertaining to my failures? Well, I’m quite convinced that Christians spend a great deal of time masking and burying their weaknesses and sin so as to slip incognito into a world of self-glorifying perfectionism. If we’re truly honest with which truths Christianity is founded upon, It makes little sense to pretend our lives are hunkey dory. It's founded on the same principle that people wear make-up. It's adhering to made-up guidelines that create a product as artificial and unrealistic as the morals that support them. "Perfect skin" seems to be the pursuit of most Christians, including myself. And I have totally fallen for this lie. As subversive as I try to be, on the inside, I'm terrified of what most people think. I would even go so far as to say that any rebelliousness I put forward is, in itself, the concealer I use to hide this big pulsing ZIT.
In writing these blogs I hope be exposed. On Derek Webb’s album “The House Show” he talks about how the best thing for any of us is to have our deepest, darkest sins broadcasted on the 12 O’clock news. My goal is that I can start to believe that Jesus is the Gospel and not Bill. Through this, I hope that I would be able to cultivate enough evidence to show myself that I need perfect love. Not just the affection of people close to me; their love is exhaustible; they, in the end, will not know how to love me.
I hope to recognize that, in the scheme of all things, someone as proportionately insignificant as I would need something bigger than the universe to appropriately tend to my fallacies. Talk about being a mooch.
Monday, July 19, 2010
Proof of my ridiculousness. Exhibit B
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Proof of my ridiculousness. Exhibit A
For the past month I, along with a select few in North America, have been glued to FIFA's World Cup. Being someone who doesn't know much about the family heritage, It has been a great deal of fun watching the Netherlands play. Looking at the players and seeing their build, they reminded me of my dad and uncles who, although were never in that good of shape, resembled them quite well. Not only were there family look-a-likes but they were an awesome team to boot, making it to the finals.
I have surely gained a good deal of pride for my background while ascertaining more of a cultural identity. While creeping towards the finals, after knocking out Brasil, I shared with God what I was going through, that I was really happy in gaining what was lost through my family's immigration
to Canada 50 years ago (or so). I then asked the Lord if he could help the team win the Cup, thinking that “Hey, he wants to know what I desire”.
Not exactly what happened; right? After a dirty game, Spain wins with a disputed offside goal. At first I wasn't upset, I tried to stay calm and collect. However, after an hour or so I soon became more and more angry. At one point I seriously wanted to single-highhandedly take on a gaggle of Spaniards, oh, if you didn't know; Dutch people have tempers. In my silent brooding the Lord then spoke. If I were to put this feeling to words it would be to the effect: “Bill, I hope you're mad; it looks good on you because when you prayed for a sporting event you neglected all the suffering and pain going on in my world”.When God speaks to someone in Tokyo he speaks Japanese; when he speaks to me he's facetious .
I don't believe that my renewed “Dutchiness” is sinful. It was in completely abandoning some of my most fundamental views on who Jesus is and what my relationship with him is for. I managed to migrate myself even more within myself. One of the most grace-filled moments of the past month has been when God called me on my bullshit.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Monday, March 29, 2010
To completely bring a close to my Robot binge, here's a Haiku.
Void of datum
the Android way of living
Ctrl alt delete
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Death Row Righteousness (title pending)
There's a wanted sign outside the door,
issued by the lying lord.
He holds a charge, recompense is my head,
and he will not stop until I'm dead.
The funny thing, admit I must,
my trail would be truly just.
I've lied, I stole, I've taken life,
so introduce my neck to knife.
In pursuit of gold and fame,
those behind me are scared and maimed.
I farmed the weak and broken souls,
and harvested more crimes and tolls.
But the penalty has been absolved
through unjust courts my sin dissolved.
His dying words, evil diminished
when he proclaimed that “It is finished.”
As a fugitive I can clearly see,
how my crimes don't match my liberty.
Free and roaming, life is shocking,
because I was nothing but a dead man walking.
This is a really good song.
I Need Love
Karla Adolphe
Verse:
You're building a city out of widows and love
You're building walls out of orphans and tears
You're building a city and you call us your own
You're building a temple and you're calling us home
Chorus:
Open up those city gates let the King come in
It's been so long since we've seen Him
I need love, gotta get some love
Sing a new song bang your drum do what you have to do
He's coming now and He's looking for you
I need love, gotta get some love
Verse:
You're building a body from flesh and bone
We know it was broken but now it's made whole
You're building a city and you call us your own
You're building a temple and you're calling us home
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Friday, March 26, 2010
Time is money.
Allow me to illustrate the premise. It's a weekday morning and you step inside the local convenience store for a cup of coffee. It's already brewed and you're in a hurry just like everyone else in the world; you love coffee. Along with other busy-bodies like yourself, tending to the immediate urges so quickly quelled by the service of the establishment, you aptly fix your drink to your specifications and make your way to the store clerk. However, there lies to a horrifying and ire-inspiring sight. At the front of the line an elderly women pulls out the envelope full of unchecked lottery tickets from her purse and, one by one, hands them to the clerk to investigate the numbers for a winner. One by one! The self-checking lottery machine lies to the side of the counter, it's the elephant in the room, a lonely,dejected, degraded elephant. The line behind the wrinkled treasure hunter accumulates more and more of innocent and efficient members like yourself, waiting in limbo as one by one her results are tallied and her money granted, paid with the very minutes of your very life. Don't you friggan hate that!?
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Butt prints in the sand
One night I had a wondrous dream,
One set of footprints there was seen,
The footprints of my precious Lord,
But mine were not along the shore.
But then some stranger prints appeared,
And I asked the Lord, "What have we here?"
Those prints are large and round and neat,
"But Lord they are too big for feet."
"My child," He said in somber tones,
"For miles I carried you alone.
I challenged you to walk in faith,
But you refused and made me wait."
"You disobeyed, you would not grow,
The walk of faith, you would not know.
So I got tired, I got fed up,
and there I dropped you on your butt."
"Because in life, there comes a time,
when one must fight, and one must climb.
When one must rise and take a stand,
or leave their butt prints in the sand."
author unknown
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Mustela Putorius Furo
This is a recent project from my English class. I got a B- but I thought I would post it anyway.
Mustela Putorius Furo
I was being called. Like the beckon call of a yodeler vocalizing from the Swiss Alps. This sort of thing always happened during of times stress, the kind of stress that feels like you have a monkey on your back....an overweight, stinking, screaming monkey. Within my first couple steps through the door I suspected the usual outcome but I had no idea of how I would arrive. Like travel by plane, you know where you're departing from and you know your destination but you know nothing of the flight plan or if the pilots are actually sober but this is what it's like when you visit Petland. I once learned that small, furry creatures feast upon stress like Velociraptors feasting on a young Atlascopcosaurus. Kittens, Puppies, Bunnies, and Birdies were all on display in their respected species. However, all their stress-sucking talents had been siphoned before. Prior to almost losing hope, there lied the Ferret pen. The therapeutic, playful presence of ferrets is like a constant in the universe and that obese, putrid, yelling monkey was sucked into a black hole thus ushering in the sobriety and peace that only a fuzzy little ferret can give.
As if I haven't posted something for a while!
I'm at school right now, but the moment I get home, I'm posting my latest project for English.
Your Lamewad,
Bill
Monday, June 29, 2009
Oh look! Something completly void of the death of Michael Jackson!
"And to keep me from being too elated by the abundance of revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan, to harass me, to keep me from being too elated.
Three times I besought the Lord about this, that it should leave me;
but he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." I will all the more gladly boast of my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities; for when I am weak, then I am strong."
2 Corinthians 12: 7-10
This is the second reading for mass next week, when I saw this my initial reaction was to be excited, it has got to be one of my favorite passages, I’m anticipating to go to Church next weekend and hear what my pastor has to say…and I think that makes me an idiot. Paul’s talking about his struggles and deficiencies referring to them as “a messenger of Satan”. I don’t know what this thorn in the flesh was, but it must have been a little more serious than meat on Friday. Paul brings this to the God, a God who wiped away his murderous past and created in him one of the greatest evangelists the Church has known, a God who sucked out Paul’s weakness and made him strong. You would think a humble request such as this would have been tended to post haste. This is not the case. He asks God once, then again, and again. Yet God says no.
Even Paul has rubbish that interferes with the flow of God’s grace. Even Paul, with all of his insight, still needs a Savior. In reaction to Paul’s third request God gives him an answer “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness”. This is point where I’m stuck, it’s as far as I go. I’m weak, I know I need God’s grace, yet I keep complaining and complaining. My liking of this passage is nothing more than my delusion towards it. In reality I hate the idea of weakness, I try my best to be emotionally sober and have life appropriately prioritized! Has it worked out for me at all? Nope! Yet I’m perpetually in this cycle, however with Paul, it only took 3 tries to understand that it doesn’t work. I’ve heard it said that insanity is reproducing the same action expecting a different outcome. So now I’m not just an idiot, I’m also down right batty. Isn’t that what life without God is, to be divorced from truth and love?
I’m going to substitute my so called “approval” of this passage with a proper reverence of it. To me this is an essential element of what Christianity is and to be overjoyed with it would suggest my deep misunderstanding of it. So I guess I have the opportunity to go Church next Sunday with more of an open heart, free from being too elated, not so impressed with myself. Hopefully I’ll start to get it.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
What's Church?
So I’ve been thinking a lot about the Church and what exactly it is. I’ve been thinking about the Church and what it looks like. I’ve been thinking about the Church and where my place is in it. In this desire to internally illustrate the Bride, being a good Catholic, I took a look in the Catechism.
“To reunite all his children, scattered and led astray by sin, the Father willed to call the whole of humanity together into his Son’s Church. The Church is the place where humanity must rediscover its unity and salvation. The Church is “the world reconciled”. She is that bark which “in the full sail of the Lord’s cross, by the breath of the holy spirit, navigates safely in this world.” (CCC 845)
Immediately I picture this grand cruise ship traversing through turbulent and violent waters infested with sharks, octopi, and a many variety of sea monsters. Despite the crashing waves and monster attacks, nothing is quite capable achieving of any sort of debacle until the day we are all reunited on triumphant shores of the heavenly kingdom. But I think I’m wrong about something.
“Christians on earth (the Church Militant) are still struggling against sin in order that, when they die, they might go to heaven and be members of the Church Triumphant, those who have triumphed over sin. However, if this struggle is successful, but not completely so, then after death they temporarily become members of the Church Suffering before ultimately joining the Church Triumphant.” (Wikipedia.org)
Where does my imagination lead me now? This time we’re assembled in this massive regiment equipped with high-tech artillery; tanks, jets, and humvees all the while aided by distant subs and aircraft carriers. But something doesn’t seem quite right for me. I believe in the conditions that are being expressed but I hold a grievance with the loftiness. I believe there are turbulent waters, I believe there is a battle to be fought but I can’t reconcile it with being a guest on a cruise ship or a mighty military commander. For what reason? Because I don’t feel like one. I can’t ignore Deuteronomy 7:7 …
“The LORD did not set his affection on you and choose you because you were more numerous than other peoples, for you were the fewest of all peoples.”
God in NOWAY requires mighty armies or majestic and affluent pleasure cruises, it’s our worldliness (my worldliness) to have ever suggested it in the first place. Who exactly are we?
“In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves.” (Ephesians 1: 4-5)
If we adopted it means one thing, we’re misbegotten, we’re bastards. The Church is no more an impressive army than daffy duck is a military strategist. The Church, in my mind, is an Orphanage, one with violent waves to circumnavigate and an enemies to vanquish. St. Paul says this…
“Brothers, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. Therefore, as it is written: "Let him who boasts boast in the Lord.” (1 Corinthians 1: 26-31)
If this illustration is correct I think for once I feel like I have a place in the Church.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Purpose in praise.
Prior to actually looking at the readings for this following Sunday I automatically assumed that the theme was going to be positive and uplifting. Being in the Easter season one would assume that. I was surprised to see that every passage mentioned sin.
“But you denied the Holy and Righteous One, and asked for a murderer to be granted to you”
Acts 3: 13 - 15, 17 - 19
”O men, how long shall my honor suffer shame? How long will you love vain words, and seek after lies?”
Psalms 4: 2, 4, 7 - 9
” He who says "I know him" but disobeys his commandments is a liar, and th e truth is not in him;”
1 John 2: 1 - 5
Are we honestly this guilt stricken? That in our time of celebration and redemption we fulfill our Catholic stereotypes and continually recite the same remorseful banter the world knows us for?
The truth is in order to accept and receive the full arrival of true joy we have to participate in the complete departure of sin from our lives. There aren’t many words that hold such negative and adverse baggage as “Repentance”.
The Catechism says “ Indeed the sacrament of Reconciliation with God brings about a true "spiritual resurrection," restoration of the dignity and blessings of the life of the children of God, of which the most precious is friendship with God. ”
Sometimes in our jubilation we dismiss from mind the original reason to which we’re celebrating and solely focus on the act. It’s not just about saying “Alleluia” but “Alleluia that it’s not about me”. The only qualifying faculty we posses is that, without the Messiah, we don’t qualify and we cannot facilitate. This legitimizes and fuels our continuous rejoicing in this Easter season.
“The culture of death; the blindness of pride.
Self-exulting, others put aside.
Neglecting to acknowledge what it is we really need:
Redirection away from all our selfishness and greed.”
Paul Sanders, Identifying the Opposition
This truth must be clearly articulated. When it was proclaimed that Jesus was reveled in the breaking of the bread he appears to them. The timing was not coincidence. In their fear he affirms his identity and makes himself more present “Why are you troubled, and why do questionings rise in your hearts? . See my hands and my fe et, that it is I myself; handle me, and see; for a spirit has not flesh and bones as you see that I have." After all of this he issues to them " Thus it is written, that the Christ should suffer and on the third day rise from the dead, and that repentance and forgiveness of sins should be preached in his name to all nations, beginning from Jerusalem.”. In our case Beginning from Winnipeg .
We can often complicate our call to evangelization. Often times not out of our own quest for truth but out of fear and anxiety we can recess away from this Christian duty by overanalyzing the situation, similar to performing brain surgery on a carrot. We can have so much relucta nce to the most fundamental, profound, and loving truth there is, that Jesus wants his love to be known and this is the pathway in which it is established.
Child and Heir
Dictionary.com calls a doctor “an eminent scholar and teacher.” A doctor, now that’s a title that holds respect. Someone would have to be very intelligent and determined if they wanted this role. In our society we value and admire such titles. For good reason, it’s quite the obstinate challenge.
We also give prestigious awards to those who make discoveries, write literature, perform on stage and in film, create beautiful music, and aid in humanitarian work. We give out Peabody’s, Oscar’s, Tony’s, Nobel’s, Pulitzer’s, Gold, Silver and Bronze. However there is one title none of us will ever grasp and no award we could ever achieve. No matter how educated or successful we become in this life we will never ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, be God. It’s simple and straight forward, the answer is no.
Yet God, in all his incomparable awesomeness, offers us something much greater than anything we could ever dream of achieving. “When we cry, "Abba Father!" it is the Spirit himself bearing witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs, heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him.” (Romans 8: 16 – 17)
A Child and an heir, this is what he gives us. So what astronomical adventure must we pursue in order to win that role? What insane gesture of greatness and act of heroism must we undertake? Our first step is to cry to Him, and then we offer Him our burden.
I think its funny how we get offend at real life dramas like “The Hills”. We see the tension take place as these undeserving affluent young people, living off their parents millions of dollars, complain about life, relationships, fashion faux pas and any other superficial topic under the
The next part is living it out. “Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, to the close of the age." (Matthew 28: 19 – 20). Notice in the gospel, Jesus provides a journey for the disciples and through this they find him. In my mind this encounter in an archetype for conversion and having an interior confidence in Jesus. We then are aware of our need to worship him. When this confidence is shaken, like other times in the gospel, all Jesus has to do is reaffirm that he’s Jesus “"All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me.” This call to evangelization isn’t any kind of automated ritual but springs forth from our encounter with the risen Jesus.
A.D.D.
So I decided that blogging wasn't going to be one of those things that I get hooked on for a short time but loose interest. It may be June but I'm starting up again. The next couple posts will be reflections I did at a prayer meeting.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
The Cure
“Abortion in Canada is not limited by the law. While some non-legal obstacles exist Canada is one of only a few nations with no legal restrictions on abortion. Regulations and accessibility varies between provinces
Polls continue to show that a majority of Canadians believe abortion should remain legal in some circumstances. Over 110,000 abortions are performed in Canada every year, that represents a ratio of about 30 abortions to every 100 live births, one of the highest rates among developed countries.”
wikipedia.com
I'm starting to think I should change the name of this blog to “The Buzz Kill”. So much news is depressing and dejecting. A lot of people run out of steam out of hopelessness. I know, for myself, I've been stuck in a state of perpetual mourning, like life has been one big funeral. So what the heck in the solution to this contention. Small pox, Bubonic, Celine Dion; the world has known disease and dysfunction on an epidemic scale. However they all have an undoing; a cure. If you've got a headache you take some Advil. So what is going to unravel the pro-choice movement into a community that upholds and protects the dignity of all people? What is going to rattle loose the chains? In order to synthesize a vaccine one must know the symptoms.
Bottom line, if a Woman had support, if she had anything she would need during a pregnancy would she get an abortion? Probably no. A Womans need for an abortion emanates from a nightmare of fear and insecurity, thus by encouraging someone to go through with an abortion is investing in her hurt. Abortion then leads to a whole other whack load of problems.
http://www.allaboutlifechallenges.org/post-abortion-syndrome.htm
http://www.afterabortion.com/
http://www.canadasilentnomore.com/
“I still feel physically sick when I remember this period of my life…After the abortion I cried uncontrollably, from the shame, guilt, remorse, sadness, anger and depression it has left me, but as hard as I try-27 years later-it is as fresh as the beginning of the nightmare.” AN
The answer is compassion an love, without these our appeal with dissolve. We must recognize that abortion only victimizes and abuses those around it, this is not exclusive those who support it. If we continue to see the pro-choice movement as an adversary instead of humans who has been lied to, pawns of manipulation, we then encourage stereotype that we ourselves have earned; that are mean and ignorant people. Some people react with a false compassion. They feel sorry for the girl and will say something like “What ever you want to do I will support you.”, right feelings but wrong avenue. Love does not give license to abuse. “I love you and I will support you and your child no matter what.”
I'm a Christian. However my Christianity is not the primary reason why I'm pro-life, but it does influence. I look at the evidence and it's a bonfire of conviction. Then when my faith comes into play it's like tossing gasoline onto that fire (I'll try to think of an environment friendly analogy). How?
I was in my “funeral mood”. I've done Pro-Life ministry and found 0% support. I eventually had to quit what I was doing for the sake of my own sanity. I was frustrated with people who, although they claimed to be pro-life, just could not understand why they had to lift a finger. I was attending a worship service here in Winnipeg called “Beyond”. Being a charismatic I had my hands in air in worship. I was sharing with God my anger and frustration when suddenly Jesus helped me realize something. It's already won! Through his death and resurrection he bore it all, he bore abortion. I felt it to be a completely arrogant and stupid thing to say but I began to accept it. I guess it's not about “what is the cure” but “WHO”. Jesus is the remedy to a culture committing value-system-suicide.
P.S. Birch bark! Birch bark on a fire.
